We are the Key

Why is Neutrality so frightening? I will tell you: it is the need for control. When we find the need to gain complete control by grasping at outcomes, it creates an upward and downward of emotions when our expectations do not happen in the way we envisioned them. We fear the fact that nothing really is in our control, except for what we put into action. Lacking trust that life and its greater force is here to teach and help put us in places we need to be will create drama and chaos. This causes extreme emotions to occur within us. The drastic effects of these wayward feelings can spark a purpose for which we are living, and we can even get this sort of high off of it. Creating scenarios or manipulating them to end up the way we see fit for our satisfaction can be another example of this need for validation resulting in up and down of emotions we experience- if we are aware of it or not. It’s a fragile validation that our life here isn’t pointless, but the thing is, is this method is temporary and easily broken. Take away these extremes and we are left with void- no reason for living, or so it seems. These highs and lows are our soul’s desperate plea for attention, a reminder of who we are in a sense even if we’ve strayed so far from it, helping us recognize our need for simple love and tender care. When we are hurt in our youngest innocence, we build walls around the most precious parts of ourselves for protection. These very parts are our truest and most authentic form from which we came. It seems logical to protect what we most treasure, but building a resistance that repels anything to enter creates isolation. We lose touch and forget who or what those parts of us are over the years of ignoring their need for nurturing, or being set free. In this attempt to protect ourselves we feel the need to gain complete control of every outcome in our lives to avoid the pain we experienced before in our youth, adolescence and even adulthood. The trigger of what can possibly come will cause such a reaction to where we create this elusive facad that is there to take the plunder over what we hold most dear inside of us. Let’s face it, facads are like filters on our snap chat- if one doesn’t work we swipe to the next but ultimately the most authentic picture will never be seen, and that’s what matters, because it’s as raw as the part of us we stand gaurd to protect. We truly do care about ourselves whether we believe it or not. Even if our actions don’t coincide, in a twisted way we protect it in the way we know best at the time. And what a beautiful thing to know in the first step of loving our selves, we always have truly cared.

Just like any living thing in life, we need nurturing to grow. We all yearn for acceptance within ourselves, but not all of us know how to get from point A (imbalance) to point B (balance) to achieve this overall peace of being (neutrality). To be quite honest jumping from A to B would be quite traumatic. That is why tending takes time. The intensity of emotions can be very useful. It isn’t a negative thing to feel so deeply. It tells a story of how our souls are doing. The greatest art is created through passion, tragedy, and immense love. Coming from an artist, myself, I know this very well. It can be difficult to let go of the extreme feeling of sorrow, because we feel holding onto it will bring meaning to who we are. In it, it does. It enlightens us on where we are and how to move forward, but not to keep us in a cycle of suffering.

We can either let life be our greatest teacher by expanding our amazingly intelligent minds and beautiful souls to evolve, or we can grasp onto this illusive control we’ve created as a defense mechanism and repeat the same scenarios throughout our whole duration on this planet.

You may be angry with this. How do we get from point A to B? There is such gap between the two. How do I get there? The answer always lies within yourself. I cannot tell you what your path looks like. You have to make the footprints for yourself. You hold the key to all the answers you need and you always have. As do I. Listen to what your emotions are telling you. Follow what is right for you and let go of what does not serve you any longer. Simply changing your routine, going places you haven’t been or places you have at a different time, following your inner morals that are your own instead of outside expectations of others that are completely irrelevant to you. Because ultimately, we individually only know what is best for us and what we were created to achieve here on earth.

Follow how you are feeling. These weird highs and lows of adrenaline help us, not to hinder our progress, but to tell us that this is the area of healing we need. Listen to the wallows and cries of the soul that reach out in the oddest of ways. Passion is beautiful. We can relate to it, through a painting, a testimony, a song and so on. The relation through passion and experience is beautiful, because we yearn for growth, understanding, for community, for a collective communication and resonance. Because we are not here to be alone. We are meant to be here to raise each other up. But it starts with us. Where will we take ourselves to raise another? If we so choose.

A testimony from me:

I’ve never claimed myself to be smarter than anyone. I’ve been dealing with my crazy highs and lows of emotions for as long as I have been alive. Sometimes I assume it to be insanity, because I feel so damn deeply. I have been one of the biggest control freaks when it comes to controlling outcomes and scenarios in my day to day life. But I’ve only been able to see these traits within myself clearly, (my own way of living that works for me) because I push further and further to find truth. Not in everything and everyone, but in me. Who am I and how can I improve my life for the sake of me. And yes also for my two beautiful girls who look up to me for guidance. I have always known in my gut I came here for something big, and I know now that it’s for healing. Healing of self, the generations before me and the ones ahead of me. To help heal others along my path. My struggles are as real as yours. I’ve always doubted my intelligence, my gifts, my gut feelings, but I now am starting to see transformation through consistency and determination. These rough roads I’ve been through may arise again, but I know more now. I sometimes think to myself, maybe I am crazy. But I’m okay with it, because it has got me this far. If I can help you in any way that is the best gift I can give. And I’m content with the state of “crazy” I’m in. It’s my crazy I thrive and grow on. And I am so damn proud of myself.

💚Bekah Turney

Full Moon In My Branches

Facing who we are can shake the very core of our being. Like peeling back the frail layers of an onion of this illusionary person we’ve created for so many years. It is such a frightening task as the smell grows richer when you get closer to the center. It’s overwhelming aroma becoming more potent and exposed as we pull them off, just as our true spirit emerges from its cage we learned to lock it up in. It’s as if there is always a rock bottom. Always a place to fall with each thing we learn. What we believed for so long reveals itself as but a coping mechanism we used to survive. It is true, the more you learn the more sorrow you experience, and that, as they say, “ignorance is bliss.” If this is so, then why should we grow- make it our mission to become more “aware” of who we are and the reality we actually live in? To be honest, it seems unnecassarily torturous.

A thought came to me one day that struck that dulling cord in me to a flame. I don’t know how it came, divinely, or if I just knew, but it kept me on going in my many of darkest times-

“Would it be better to blindly live in a constant state of pain, or briefly experience pain and become aware of how to heal it?”

As I see it, and/or try to understand, the destined path you or I may choose to take for the betterment of ourselves can be great, and often other times a “piece of shit,” in our mental state at the time. There are so many rock bottoms we fall into with our constant realizations of truth (noted: that come from within our own self). That’s what makes it so hard- we are navigating through ourselves. We are the voices in our heads, and the channel from which spirit comes through. And if we despise who we are then it will make it all the more difficult to trust ourself to climb out of the hole we “ah, fuck”ed into. But with every bump we know a little bit more. We keep knowing more. Every time it gets easier to understand ourselves and how things work for us and around us. That is how we come back around to earning our trust again. That in itself is an act of love.

Even if we do stay “blissfully ignorant,” in doing this, we run out the same cycles- with different experiences, but same scenarios. There’s never a silver lining to what occurs in our day to day lives when we choose to ignore our truth. It’s always an act of a “higher power,” whether it be a person or God, we give our free will to. That is the ultimate pain, existing and not living.

I want to touch further on love and how, in my personal experience, it is to go about loving ourself. First off, it is a simple word that has been romanticized throughout time. It seems as possible to reach as, say, a buey thrown out at sea- the buey representing our true essence, and latched on is a rope binding that part of us that holds true meaning. The rope seems to have been cut off at some point as you reel it in, and when you get to the end of it you find frayed ends of twine instead whilst the buey still drifts on. So, you throw it out again, like an endless loop repeating the same scenario. Love is finding new ways to retrieve your most desired prized self that has been left out there stranded. It’s about utilizing your creative brain, working with yourself as a team and gaining that trust little by little. The meaning of love has been skewed and manipulated for centuries- this is true. It’s actually the opposite of what we’ve learned growing up: from church, school, our parents, their parent’s parents, the media, etc. Loving ourselves is loving others. How can we truly find space and compassion for another person and understand their depth when we won’t even explore our own?

So, the road to self discovery is daunting, if we are completely honest- healing the child inside that’s been so wounded and compromised. But climbing over each stumbling block brings the rewards of empowerment within yourself and coming home to your true center again. All the effort and hard work of ripping off your facade you fell into at a young age is painful, but so damn worth it along the way through your journey of life.

It’s not who is at fault, it’s about finding out the truth, which in turn brings us the rich rewards of trusting and loving ourself again.

~Remember, this is an account of me, my life and my experiences. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. My goal here is to help those who are stuck in the process of their own healing, just as I have felt and continue to from time to time. I love you and wish you the best progress in your life.~

❤Bekah.

I’m Glad

Smile fleeting on your face.
I blew your dandelion
And you drift away with ease.

And I’m glad-

The part where I change.
Even if it makes my turning heart
Swell,
Even if my tears run hot,
And confusion makes me mad.

Your hand is giddy, wave good bye,
Say good morning
As I stir, the creator in me,
And cry.

And I’m glad-

The part of me I know is real,
Even if the curdles tell,
The rot of passing what is old,
Even if new times arise
And push me to prevail,

I’m glad.

Care For Me

tree2
"Rays Light Shine," Image by: Shuttershock- Banana Republic images


Written by Bekah Turney.

A picture fades
As the embers do- 
Light to my soul. 
My hands twist through the pine
That tremble,
Reaching for the sun. 

Truth be out,
truth be told,
Whilst I break the branches
I tie into knots.
Care for me
As vast as the sea,
Care for me. 
Fill my inner essence,
My whole being. 

I see you,
Those green eyes I hold in my tingling hands.
And cup the stars that shine through them.
Sliding down my throat, 
I take in the man I see
Through lies to ourselves we tell,
To the soul that cries 
And sings sweet whispers
In my ears, 
Down to the vibrating embers 
Where death draws near. 

Gentle breath 
That blows and glows-
Your song that breaks 
The pathway to the sun, 
Mirroring to me
The things so easily seen,
Where the rich warmth of recognition
Reaches down 
To touch my buried soul-
A pathway for the ray of light 
To march to places most feared
And rarely told.

Her Tale of the Journey

Enriched and delved deep into the vine of the forest she looked for an escape. A part of her wanted to become one with the earth. It gave her a sense of peace and stillness she never felt before. Her days normally consisted of running around in circles, never knowing which direction to take, the steps to plan or the vision to hold. It was all based on blind intention. But she knew that the life of intention alone would be a long tedious journey compared to already knowing honestly what she truly desired. She realized then in that moment entangled in the tree’s long roots, that her journey was meant to be arduous with rich wisdom to learn. Her presence in itself was expression. And with the gift of expression, the most wisdom gained is through experience. Her tired soul lie there half defeated and ready to stay still and slowly stretch her limbs forever. But the moon’s beacon called between the vine’s long fingers that wrapped around her face. Half awake she seized her sight on its round glow in the sky and energy swarmed her paralyzed body. Ready to break free, yet unable to find a way. That is, if she truly wanted to find a way in the first place. She lie still, swarming, a bomb resting still and working its way into an implosion. Maybe that was the answer, that an implosion would break her from the vine- a collapse of all reason to find new ground- a fresh form of clarity to venture.

A Tip on How to Understand Wisdom on a Personal Level.

The perception of others has nothing to do with you, as everyone is different, uniquely crafted from one’s own thought and experience.

This random statement may seem vague, left open with many questions and empty answers. You may ask yourself for example: Where is the key to unlock this understanding for myself- How do I achieve this?

-And simply this: Only you can. You are the key.

We are the masters of our own lives. We choose where we go, what we think, the clothes we put on every day, the food we consume- how much we consume and so on. It is endless. The first step to understanding the statement above is to take responsibility for where we are right NOW. Not what we did before or what is to come. Now is where we are, and of our own making.

This isn’t a message specifically for the quote above, it’s to help with understanding things that deem true, that ring a bell in our hearts, but not feeling them on an emotional level of understanding.

Before I go into more steps of how to receive messages that seem surface or vague, or that seem to have depth, but you can’t fully understand their utmost meaning, I want to inform you of what I learned from this similar experience.

Since I was a babe, around 5 years old, I have experienced chronic anxiety. Every little thing seemed to overwhelm me. Every challenge, or a simple task, would cause me to freeze and collapse internally. I absorbed wisdom from elders like a sponge for as long as I can remember: Like listening to my Grandmothers and Aunts chatting around the room, mother telling me many times throughout my childood, You can never love anyone else if you don’t love yourself first. Everything I learned held deep value and truth, which is why I’ve held onto it all of these years, but I never had the proper guiding tools to understand and navigate that wisdom into my every day life.

I also want you, reader, to know, I hold nothing to you, you are free, as am I. This is my gift, may it be or not. May you take what I have that helps and carry on- like a ripple in water that spreads. I love you.

The major keys to unlocking understanding of wisdom, is: Seeking, intention, experience, and consistency.

All of these are keys, (give or take whatever you may add) and you, the locksmith. The only answers you will find lie within yourself.

Seeking the answers to your questions is a vital step to discovery. Through seeking deep within the muddled caked layers of nonsense you may have learned and accepted throughout your life lies your truth. When seeking for your truth to find resonance and meaning, you must set the intention to grow, change and to expand. And yes, it’s not a walk through a flowery garden, it’s uncomfortable, as you face many things you have not yet realized or acknowledged. This is where experience is a vital tool to help unlock the different avenues that lead to your truth. Every relational experience in your life can be reflected on how you choose to navigate yours- it is your greatest teacher. With your intention to seek truth, your experience can help you recognize patterns- what does and does not work for you. Everything works together to enlighten us to our truth, our purpose here and what really matters. And the only way to go up is to be consistent in this practice. That is the only way a ripple can continue to spread. That is the way of feeling on an emotional level what the wisdom you seek means. Its facing what is uncomfortable to arrive at the flowery garden. You are your own unique navigator.

Do you dare search your souls to unlock the answers- the truth of who you are? Do you dare to set yourself free and soar?

My immemse love to you,

Bekah💚

Her Druid Song

Pink soft fabric snuggles

The hand that pulls at the looming

Lights, dancing about her feeble stature.

The lion and his lioness circle the

Barricade, her only escape the tiny sun

Peaking through the hole above her head.

A tight squeeze, but she contorts her body

Flawlessly.

The ground meets her feet, firm, and others stand about.

Too calm she tells herself, her feet feeling tickled,

Looking down to find a bed of bugs that crawl

Their tiny legs up her skin.

I must keep moving, she tells herself.

The fences of scattered homes,

She soars,

Over high and floating,

Flying free.

Bugs that leave her troubled feet,

Lion and his lioness that follow not far behind-

But she knows she’s safe from the ravenous teeth that build within her curious gut,

And reaches down with a kiss goodbye.

She soars,

And her feet find a patch of green.

Sweet bundle of brown fur that taps it’s paws

Around the grass-

She reaches the cub that shows its glimmering eyes

And climbs its back, united cordially.

Fingers she runs through it’s hair,

A pulse that travels to her bones-

sweet harmony.

She rides,

Riding free.

Going Places

Late night drinks

With ducks in the background,

Chirping out their lungs.

New friends acquanting again.

Talk is cheap, but going places.

Another drink, I take a beer-

Sip down what the worries carry,

Down to the depths of where nonsense goes.

Fold the apron into my purse,

Spit chatter till my innards bleed-

Bleed out the truths kept hidden,

Hidden, waiting to be set free.

Should I project the usual tantrum:

Of roses being red,

And violets their deepened blue-

Darkened by the vague layer of what should be said,

But misconstrued.

Becoming the Dragonfly

An Old Letter I Wrote to Myself:

When exhausted, the little things can take over you and push you over the edge- Put the situation into perspective and look at the end result of what the situation will bring.

When confronting someone when a hurtful situation arises, approach the person involved, not someone who is not. When we avoid talking to the person involved in the conflict were experiencing, aka: gossiping, we feel that we have “taken action” to solve the issue, but in reality, we then suppress the issue and make it worse. Directly bringing the issue to the one involved brings closure- for yourself, for possible flourishment of your relationship, and clarity of which direction to go forth in.

Let go of your imaginary control over others. And this will allow space to love and forgive them, and~ let go. Move forward- you serve yourself and the other person more that way.

Each of our lives are built of many stories. These stories are breathed into every life we encounter. Understanding our differences and the lack of control we have of others outside of ourselves will help us to become more flexible and accepting in relationships.

Take time to listen, think, and gain perspective of what kind of person you desire to be, and who in your core you always dreamed of becoming and believe it with all your heart.

Note to myself:

Take time to listen, while parenting, think- what kind of women do you desire they become at their truest potential?

That should be great motivation to: stop, breathe and listen.

“We don’t all fit in the same mold.”