Still Summer Nights

By: Bekah Turney

I sit alone again in the dark.

The trees are lit by a dim lit lamp.

And a soft hum of its dying light

Echoes a song of comfort-

Tales of a young girl on still summer night’s.

Molecules of the air only broken by

The gentle sound,

Of words whispered through my bones-

Waiting to be spoken,

Waiting to be unhinged.

From these desperate lips I set a bargain,

Quarreling both heart and mind.

To reach an understanding,

A balance that peace can flow and bind

These sobbing opposing ends

To meet another in kind.

My muscles shake as fatigue consumes

And devours my restless hold

Of what I should let go,

Of what I have no control.

Blisters break and knuckles crack

As the soap is lathered to it’s core.

Wash away the truth

That watches me as I wake,

Watches as I place the shell over my soul.

Alas this tale is old

And I see the young girl on her stoop

Listening to the hum of dying lights

On still summer night’s.

And ask her kindly how to find her heart again.

Cause she was free, and she was me. And

Her freedom I see within.

Now reunited with a long forgotten friend.


image by: Kostiantyn Kuznetsov

We are the Key

Why is Neutrality so frightening? I will tell you: it is the need for control. When we find the need to gain complete control by grasping at outcomes, it creates an upward and downward of emotions when our expectations do not happen in the way we envisioned them. We fear the fact that nothing really is in our control, except for what we put into action. Lacking trust that life and its greater force is here to teach and help put us in places we need to be will create drama and chaos. This causes extreme emotions to occur within us. The drastic effects of these wayward feelings can spark a purpose for which we are living, and we can even get this sort of high off of it. Creating scenarios or manipulating them to end up the way we see fit for our satisfaction can be another example of this need for validation resulting in up and down of emotions we experience- if we are aware of it or not. It’s a fragile validation that our life here isn’t pointless, but the thing is, is this method is temporary and easily broken. Take away these extremes and we are left with void- no reason for living, or so it seems. These highs and lows are our soul’s desperate plea for attention, a reminder of who we are in a sense even if we’ve strayed so far from it, helping us recognize our need for simple love and tender care. When we are hurt in our youngest innocence, we build walls around the most precious parts of ourselves for protection. These very parts are our truest and most authentic form from which we came. It seems logical to protect what we most treasure, but building a resistance that repels anything to enter creates isolation. We lose touch and forget who or what those parts of us are over the years of ignoring their need for nurturing, or being set free. In this attempt to protect ourselves we feel the need to gain complete control of every outcome in our lives to avoid the pain we experienced before in our youth, adolescence and even adulthood. The trigger of what can possibly come will cause such a reaction to where we create this elusive facad that is there to take the plunder over what we hold most dear inside of us. Let’s face it, facads are like filters on our snap chat- if one doesn’t work we swipe to the next but ultimately the most authentic picture will never be seen, and that’s what matters, because it’s as raw as the part of us we stand gaurd to protect. We truly do care about ourselves whether we believe it or not. Even if our actions don’t coincide, in a twisted way we protect it in the way we know best at the time. And what a beautiful thing to know in the first step of loving our selves, we always have truly cared.

Just like any living thing in life, we need nurturing to grow. We all yearn for acceptance within ourselves, but not all of us know how to get from point A (imbalance) to point B (balance) to achieve this overall peace of being (neutrality). To be quite honest jumping from A to B would be quite traumatic. That is why tending takes time. The intensity of emotions can be very useful. It isn’t a negative thing to feel so deeply. It tells a story of how our souls are doing. The greatest art is created through passion, tragedy, and immense love. Coming from an artist, myself, I know this very well. It can be difficult to let go of the extreme feeling of sorrow, because we feel holding onto it will bring meaning to who we are. In it, it does. It enlightens us on where we are and how to move forward, but not to keep us in a cycle of suffering.

We can either let life be our greatest teacher by expanding our amazingly intelligent minds and beautiful souls to evolve, or we can grasp onto this illusive control we’ve created as a defense mechanism and repeat the same scenarios throughout our whole duration on this planet.

You may be angry with this. How do we get from point A to B? There is such gap between the two. How do I get there? The answer always lies within yourself. I cannot tell you what your path looks like. You have to make the footprints for yourself. You hold the key to all the answers you need and you always have. As do I. Listen to what your emotions are telling you. Follow what is right for you and let go of what does not serve you any longer. Simply changing your routine, going places you haven’t been or places you have at a different time, following your inner morals that are your own instead of outside expectations of others that are completely irrelevant to you. Because ultimately, we individually only know what is best for us and what we were created to achieve here on earth.

Follow how you are feeling. These weird highs and lows of adrenaline help us, not to hinder our progress, but to tell us that this is the area of healing we need. Listen to the wallows and cries of the soul that reach out in the oddest of ways. Passion is beautiful. We can relate to it, through a painting, a testimony, a song and so on. The relation through passion and experience is beautiful, because we yearn for growth, understanding, for community, for a collective communication and resonance. Because we are not here to be alone. We are meant to be here to raise each other up. But it starts with us. Where will we take ourselves to raise another? If we so choose.

A testimony from me:

I’ve never claimed myself to be smarter than anyone. I’ve been dealing with my crazy highs and lows of emotions for as long as I have been alive. Sometimes I assume it to be insanity, because I feel so damn deeply. I have been one of the biggest control freaks when it comes to controlling outcomes and scenarios in my day to day life. But I’ve only been able to see these traits within myself clearly, (my own way of living that works for me) because I push further and further to find truth. Not in everything and everyone, but in me. Who am I and how can I improve my life for the sake of me. And yes also for my two beautiful girls who look up to me for guidance. I have always known in my gut I came here for something big, and I know now that it’s for healing. Healing of self, the generations before me and the ones ahead of me. To help heal others along my path. My struggles are as real as yours. I’ve always doubted my intelligence, my gifts, my gut feelings, but I now am starting to see transformation through consistency and determination. These rough roads I’ve been through may arise again, but I know more now. I sometimes think to myself, maybe I am crazy. But I’m okay with it, because it has got me this far. If I can help you in any way that is the best gift I can give. And I’m content with the state of “crazy” I’m in. It’s my crazy I thrive and grow on. And I am so damn proud of myself.

💚Bekah Turney