Chapter 3: Waking the Wounds of the Soul


See what is true and acknowledge it’s existence. Kiss it’s wounds and apply the wisdom you have gained into a positive new direction- change of the old ways into the new.

Create, they tell me. Creator, they call me. Live life anew, they whisper to me- the angels of my world.

I feel like a loose cannon, with one more tap of my shell and I burst. Nobody likes deception. We are afraid of it. So what should we do to overcome it? Shall we observe why we are afraid? Do we deceive in return, because we fear that very same thing? Yes- by having a false identity is to deceive. And in fear we create one. When we are not honest about who we are or how we feel, that is having a false identity. There to protect ourselves is an outer shell we try to make impenetrable, but by doing this, we end up imploding from compacted identities and labels we create and accept. Until there is no more room and we scatter fragmented pieces of who we truly are from beneath the surface that end up revealing themselves anyway.

What we are paranoid or are afraid of is what we are giving in return. How do we overcome fear and distrust?

As I plunge through the caked layers of my outer surface, one I accumulated through my whole life’s experience, I understand now that I did this in order to survive the only way at the time that I knew how to. I feel the daggers penetrate slowly through my chest- sharp, straight forward and honest. Beneath the surface now. I feel it, fully. I found my children again. Unstable tears flood and I feel free. I found me. I see, and I can touch her shuddering shoulder that is afraid. I touch her, and she is aware. She and I look into each other’s eyes and we see, we feel, we reconcile, we heal, we love. I love you, I tell myself. I was just thinking some time earlier how detached I felt from who I was as a child. And I just found her through my children as I decided to sing that long requested lullabye I had mentioned a moment ago to my daughter that I was too tired for. I choose them. I choose us. I choose family. I want family. That to me is home. Not turning my face away to other stimuli in order to dull the pain and veil the truth. They help me grow and I help them grow. The inkling tugs at me that we are destined to help each other in life changing ways. Change has come through my doorstep. Welcome in. Come into my open arms. I am new. I perceive with new eyes, I am aware. I love, I am infinite.

I apply what I have learned, and I accept the pain, because it heals me. We are okay. Okay in a sense that we are where we are supposed to be. We learn at a pace that is fit for our own and ours alone. To think that you’re bad is to feel shame. To feel inner shame is to give up on yourself. But shame recognized can be a chance for starting new, awareness that you are hurting. Life is a continuous experience where we can grow, thrive, learn, fail and see that with the failure stems hope. Because without failure we would have nothing to learn and look forward to. So, shame hinders you from seeing the truth and the beauty that you really are. To avoid the taboo chase of I’m lesser and I’m greater than they, depending on others to take care of you when that is only possible by you alone, the eyes must look inward. And the truth of what lies within will create neutrality. That neutrality will bring peace. You will see we are all in this together, all responsible for our own choices. So, again I say, it’s okay you have the nervous twitch to lie, because that means there’s opportunity for inner growth. It’s okay to feel the need for revenge, because there’s opportunity to see an outside perspective. There is always a chance to grow no matter where we are, to find that true peace, that true worth, that true inner fulfillment, if you want it enough. The fact is that’s what we all desire, truly- A way back home to our hearts.

Dear Soul,

I forgive you for leaving your children. I forgive you for loathing them. Because I know you were hurting, you were loathing yourself. You were hiding from the very thing they are, that you once had forgotten, and were afraid of meeting with again- true divinity.

My Children,

You teach me. It took so much for me to see, but I am here now. I choose you. I choose you, because I have chosen to let go and heal, to love. You are the beacon that calls to me in the night. You rescue me. I choose you. I choose us.

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