A Night In My Branches

It’s a rare occasion sometimes, to pull back the layers of junk created in one’s life: junk we grew up raised to believe, layer after layer of society’s expectation of us being smoothed down with a spreading knife, and look into that peeled back space to see what lies beneath.

When I happen upon that rare occasion I find something remarkable, something impossible to fully describe in words. What I experience is something beautiful beyond measure and beyond my current understanding. I sit baffled rather and in disbelief, and then I come into total trusting belief that what I see is possible, what I see is me- I see love, I feel love and I am love. In those moments I ask myself these questions every time, “Why don’t I always feel this way?” to “Why don’t I see this clearly all of the time?” And on that very same night of this realization I then go on as I normally do- I close my eyes to go to sleep, and by morning it’s as if the layers were pressed back down again and I move on as if that moment I had never existed. That is until that next rare occasion something wakes me up again and peels back those heavily caked on layers I’m so accustomed to.

This time I spiritually woke up from my daughter hugging my neck very tightly. I was telling her to let go because it was bed time. She cried and looked very sad as I was leaving the room and her sister rustled in her bed next to hers. I went into the kitchen and popped some food in the microwave, and then made my way to the living room to sit down and eat. I remembered the charger for my phone was in the room so I decided to pop back in very briefly to grab it, hoping not to cause a commotion. As I opened the door my youngest says from her crib, “Boo!” I laughed as I walked in. I then heard my oldest from her bed chuckle deep in her throat. So I made my way over one more time for hugs and kisses after grabbing my charger. I got down by my oldest and I smothered her with hugs and kisses. She then starts telling me, “You make me so happy, you really do love me. I miss you, momma.” Her words flooded out like a constant current of overwhelming emotion. I knew she was tired, but I could feel an emotion she had missed sharing with me, and that was love. It was in that moment I saw what was really important. It was in that moment she peeled back one of my layers and showed me what I had forgotten from all the hustle and bustle and stress I put onto my shoulders- she showed me what has always rested within me. It was in that moment my daughter reminded me how important it is to love, to be love and to recognize within us that love is who we truly are.
So I lied there a while and I held her back. I told my mind to shut up and I listened to my heart say stay. I gave my daughter something she truly missed and what she and all of us need. Love. In that moment my job that I have did not matter, the dirty clothes growing in the laundry basket did not matter, the tasks I know I have to do the next day did not matter, attending the world of social media on my phone as a passer-by of time and a distraction of my responsibilities (the very thing I intended to do by going back in the room to grab my charger) didn’t matter. What mattered was that moment, the love that consumed us, and the truth of who we as people truly are. What I saw was: she is my daughter, she needs me, she learns from me, she is my responsibility and I love her more that words can express. She and I, we help each other grow. And I saw the same as I turned around to my youngest and I looked into her fiery, familiar eyes- eyes that speak to me on many deep levels as well.
To you my friends: Embrace the moments that your layers peel back and you can see in clearly to your soul and your purpose- who it is you truly are. And after you wake up that next morning when you’re most vulnerable to the torment of the day’s possibilities ahead, remind yourself what it is that truly matters and how important it is to recognize it within yourself and share that very thing every single day. That thing is Love. It is you. It is us.
My love to you all, Keep reaching through the branches of your soul,